Dealing with the Critical Conversations

When we are leading people or even a group of people, we will notice the bad habits and actions that they are making.  It's only human nature to notice these bad things, and harp on them.  Now, its important to encourage people with the good things they are doing and build on those traits.  However, it is also important to point out one or two flaws you can correct to help elevate their success.  This is where the critical conversations come into play.

I'm sure you've had had to sit through one or two of these conversations when you were being coached.  Remember how you felt when your coach told you that you "needed to talk" or "we need to have a critical conversation"?  So many times when we hear the term ‘critical conversation’ we immediately think of something negative. We start thinking about what we’ve done bad or what did we do to get in trouble. It shouldn’t be that way at all. We need to replace the word ‘critical’ with ‘important’.

These conversations help keep our people on the right track when we can tell they are straying from it. It’s similar to having a tailight out on your car. All you’re doing is looking toward the road ahead so you never notice when that certain light is out. So when you get pulled over for it, that deters you from getting to where you’re going. Same concept here—our guys are always looking forward to hitting goals and moving up in the company and that one little tweak can be the thing that keeps them from getting there. It is our responsibility as coaches to have point these things out and help correct them. We are doing our people a disservice and slowing their development by not having these conversations!!

How do I have these Important Conversations?

As leaders, we must get in the habit of constantly reviewing the progress of our team. It is up to us to let them know which light is burnt out. So once you figure out what it is you need to discuss, the next big thing is figure out how you are going to deliver the message. Naturally, we are mostly non confrontational so that is why it is so difficult for us to have these talks.  It is a tough thing to get used to since these are conversations we want to naturally avoid in the first place, but the quicker you get used to them, the more effective they will be.

The keys to delivering a great important conversation are indifference and taking the emotion out of it. Let them know that you are having this conversation because you want to help them hit their goals; they have to see the “win” in their habit change. Be as forward as possible; don’t beat around the bush with these. It will only lessen the effect of what you’re saying. Again, be sure to let them know how this will benefit them, not you!

When should I have these Important Conversations?

As soon as you can!! When you notice there is a problem, don’t let your people keep doing bad habits over and over again when you know they’re wrong. That is just ingraining them more. The best way I have found to deliver these is outside of the office in a casual setting. Take them out after work and talk. Your message will be more received and they will be more comfortable opening up to a dialog about the situation. This also shows you’re investing your personal time into them and that you care about their progress.

I know having these conversations can be difficult the first couple times you do them. I avoided them for the first 7 months I was a coach! But my team's performance and standards reflected that negatively as well. The quicker you get used to having these is the quicker you, your team and your office will see immediate positive growth based on standards and accountability.